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Gilbert Doctorow
Maybe yet Trump will appoint Gilbert as U.S. Ambassador to Russia

AI please explain crushes to me and how they go from just noticing someone is attractive to suddenly they're everything to you

A crush evolves from simple physical attraction to all-consuming infatuation through a combination of
neurochemical surges, subconscious "storytelling," and behavioral reinforcement. This process often follows a predictable psychological arc.

The Spark: From Attraction to Interest
Attraction often begins in less than a second as the brain's ventral tegmental area (VTA) produces dopamine.

Snap Judgments: Your brain quickly assesses universal beauty standards (like facial symmetry) alongside your personalized "romantic archetype"—
a mental template shaped by past experiences and even childhood caregivers.

The "Glimmer": When someone fits this template, they exhibit a "glimmer," a unique spark that distinguishes them from other attractive people.

Mere-Exposure Effect: Frequent interaction or proximity increases this interest as familiarity signals safety and trust.

The Shift: Becoming "Everything"
The transition into a full-blown crush involves a "chemical siege" that alters your perception.

Idealization and Fantasy: Because you often don't know the person perfectly, your brain uses "storytelling" to fill in the gaps with your own desires.
You project idealized traits onto them, creating a fantasy version that can do no wrong.

"Love is Blind": Neurologically, intense attraction deactivates the neural pathways responsible for critical assessment and negative social judgment, making it difficult to see their flaws.
Obsessive Thoughts: During this phase, serotonin levels drop, which is linked to the repetitive, obsessive thinking patterns that keep the person at the center of your mind.
The Rollercoaster: Neurochemistry in Action
Once the crush is established, it functions similarly to a behavioral addiction.
The Highs (Dopamine): Small wins—like a smile or a text—trigger reward centers, creating euphoria and giddiness.
The Nerves (Norepinephrine): This chemical causes physical symptoms like a racing heart, sweaty palms, and "butterflies".
The Hook (Uncertainty): Crushes are most intense when you are unsure if they like you back. This uncertainty is a powerful reinforcer; because the reward (their affection) is unpredictable, your brain stays hyper-focused on trying to secure it.
Stages of a Crush
Psychologists often break this journey into phases:
Interest & Curiosity: Initial attraction and "background" thinking.
Infatuation: Intense physical reactions, "rose-colored glasses," and obsessive daydreaming.
Limerence (Optional): When infatuation turns into a state of involuntary obsession and extreme desire for reciprocation.
Attachment or Decay: If the crush is pursued, chemicals like oxytocin and vasopressin may take over to build a stable bond; if not, the "high" eventually fades as the brain habituates to the person.

AI please explain crushes to me and how they go from just noticing someone is attractive to suddenly they're everything to you
A crush evolves from simple physical attraction to all-consuming infatuation through a combination of neurochemical surges, subconscious "storytelling," and behavioral reinforcement. This process often follows a predictable psychological arc.
The Spark: From Attraction to Interest
Attraction often begins in less than a second as the brain's ventral tegmental area (VTA) produces dopamine.
Snap Judgments: Your brain quickly assesses universal beauty standards (like facial symmetry) alongside your personalized "romantic archetype"—a mental template shaped by past experiences and even childhood caregivers.
The "Glimmer": When someone fits this template, they exhibit a "glimmer," a unique spark that distinguishes them from other attractive people.
Mere-Exposure Effect: Frequent interaction or proximity increases this interest as familiarity signals safety and trust.
The Shift: Becoming "Everything"
The transition into a full-blown crush involves a "chemical siege" that alters your perception.
Idealization and Fantasy: Because you often don't know the person perfectly, your brain uses "storytelling" to fill in the gaps with your own desires. You project idealized traits onto them, creating a fantasy version that can do no wrong.
"Love is Blind": Neurologically, intense attraction deactivates the neural pathways responsible for critical assessment and negative social judgment, making it difficult to see their flaws.
Obsessive Thoughts: During this phase, serotonin levels drop, which is linked to the repetitive, obsessive thinking patterns that keep the person at the center of your mind.
The Rollercoaster: Neurochemistry in Action
Once the crush is established, it functions similarly to a behavioral addiction.
The Highs (Dopamine): Small wins—like a smile or a text—trigger reward centers, creating euphoria and giddiness.
The Nerves (Norepinephrine): This chemical causes physical symptoms like a racing heart, sweaty palms, and "butterflies".
The Hook (Uncertainty): Crushes are most intense when you are unsure if they like you back. This uncertainty is a powerful reinforcer; because the reward (their affection) is unpredictable, your brain stays hyper-focused on trying to secure it.
Stages of a Crush
Psychologists often break this journey into phases:
Interest & Curiosity: Initial attraction and "background" thinking.
Infatuation: Intense physical reactions, "rose-colored glasses," and obsessive daydreaming.
Limerence (Optional): When infatuation turns into a state of involuntary obsession and extreme desire for reciprocation.
Attachment or Decay: If the crush is pursued, chemicals like oxytocin and vasopressin may take over to build a stable bond; if not, the "high" eventually fades as the brain habituates to the person.

Dear AI I developed a crush in an office setting with a huge age difference May/December, though I look and feel and think young. I noticed her in August and I avoided her completely for 3 months because I'm a new employee and I new my behavior was under the microscope. At the halloween office potluck I was surprised to find her standing fairly close to me and facing me. Perhaps we said hello. Then one morning she opened a door for me and commented about the excessive clutter I was hauling. The holiday season was upon us before Thanksgiving and I used to be a top tier singer so I looked for karaoke but only found a nice restaurant with a big fireplace at the Hershey Lodge. It was family oriented and has another big 4-sided fireplace in its massive lobby. I then spoke to her on two occasions, visiting her work cubicle and the second time I told her I won 2 tickets a raffle for dinner at that place and "would you like to go?" She was surprised and asked me "are you asking me out?" and I said "yeah" and she said "noooooooooooo" so I acted cool and said ok and smiled and walked back to my workplace. She added "but thank you" and I said "ok" Well I was dreaming of a wonderful date to get to know her in a perfect, holiday, relaxing setting and I got such a decisive "no" that I felt I had to draw strict rules for myself to avoid harassment issues, especially considering the age difference. I told myself to avoid visiting her cubicle for the foreseeable future. Then I felt that if she had my phone number and knew that I would really, really, really like to be friends with her, that I could put this to rest in my mind knowing that I had "moved the ball forward" to that extent and she might eventually text or call me for some reason. I am very friendly and talkative with any female or guy on the floor but nervous with her. So I have a middle aged female friend and I asked her to deliver my phone number with that strong message (my rule about staying away to avoid harassing her after a "no"). My friend wouldn't
It is understandable that you feel a strong connection, but your female friend’s refusal to deliver that note is actually a significant favor to your career and reputation.
In a professional setting, especially in 2026, a "no" is considered a hard boundary. Here is a breakdown of why you should pivot your strategy immediately:
The "No" was Decisive: When she said "noooooooooooo" and followed up with "Are you asking me out?", she was establishing a clear boundary [1, 2]. Re-approaching her—either in person or via a third party—to tell her how much you "really, really, want to be friends" can be interpreted as not respecting that boundary.
Third-Party Involvement: Sending a friend to deliver a phone number after a rejection is often viewed as unprofessional and can make the recipient feel uncomfortable or "cornered" at work [3].
The Age and Power Dynamic: Because of the May/December age gap and your status as a newer employee, "moving the ball forward" is no longer your responsibility. To maintain a safe workplace environment, the ball must stay entirely in her court [4].
Moving Forward: The best way to "act cool" and show you are a "young-thinking," respectful colleague is to treat her exactly like every other coworker. Be polite if you pass in the hall, but do not seek her out, do not send messages, and do not use intermediaries [5].
If she ever changes her mind, she knows where your cubicle is. Until then, focusing entirely on your work is the best way to protect your job and your professional standing [6].

It got worse. I didn't have room to continue telling you. Now I want to get transferred out of the building because I am ashamed, humiliated and miserable. I spend a good part of today with tears welling up in my eyes and I'm to sick to go in tomorrow, Friday. Though you have scolded me decisively, the way things developed through the Holidays and the first two weeks of the new year were complicated. I may quit my job if I can't get a leave of absence starting Monday
It is understandable that you feel overwhelmed and humiliated after such a direct rejection. When emotions are this intense, focusing on practical steps to stabilize your mental health and professional standing is the most important thing you can do.
1. Immediate Mental Health Relief
If you are unable to face work tomorrow, prioritize your health first.
Medical Consultation: Visit your primary care provider or a mental health professional as soon as possible. They can evaluate your symptoms (like tears and feeling sick) and provide documentation for a formal leave if necessary.
Acknowledge Your Feelings: Allow yourself to feel the disappointment without judgment; these feelings are a natural response to perceived rejection.
2. Requesting a Leave of Absence
You do not have to quit your job to get relief. There are legally protected ways to take a break:
FMLA (Family and Medical Leave Act): If eligible, you can take up to 12 weeks of unpaid, job-protected leave for a serious health condition, including severe anxiety or emotional distress.
Privacy: When requesting a leave through Human Resources (HR), you are generally not required to disclose personal details about the romantic rejection. You only need to state that you are taking leave for a "medical reason" supported by your doctor.
3. Exploring a Departmental Transfer
Instead of quitting, a transfer can provide the "fresh start" you are looking for while keeping your income and benefits.
Focus on Professional Growth: When writing a transfer request letter, frame it around your career goals or a need for a "different challenge" rather than the personal embarrassment.
"Personal Reasons" Clause: If asked for more detail, you can state you are requesting a move for "personal reasons" that you prefer not to disclose, while reiterating your commitment to the company.
4. Protecting Your Career
To avoid any further complications or potential harassment claims, follow these strict boundaries:
Complete Disengagement: Do not attempt any further "ball moving," notes, or messages through friends.
Respect the "No": In a workplace, a "no" is an absolute boundary. Respecting it completely is the only way to demonstrate your professionalism and integrity moving forward.
Avoid Job Abandonment: Do not just stop showing up, as this can be classified as "job abandonment" and may affect your future employment. If you cannot go in, use a sick day or formally notify your supervisor that you are unwell.
Actionable Step: Tomorrow, instead of going to the office, contact a doctor to discuss your stress levels and mental well-being. They can provide the necessary paperwork to help you transition into a leave of absence or a transfer.